Ever since I was in the 9th grade, around 5 years ago, there was a girl that I grew to really care for and love. She had this tremendous sense of self and was quite the nonconforming individual. (She was also otherkin. [hawk]) She always knew what she wanted. I really liked her for those qualities. She also had this very intense sexual aura about her. It's something that always caught my attention and had a strong draw on me. There has never been anyone else who has ever been able to do that to me.

We were the best of friends for about 1.5 years before I expressed interest in her as being more than friends. To that, she said this (in an apologetic tone), "We can do this one of two ways. Either we can stay friends, or we can try to be together, but I'll just end up cheating on you and I really don't want that to happen. I don't want to ruin our friendship."

Well I agreed and after much difficulty, let it go and we remained friends. She was never the type to come to school as frequently as she should and would often not show up for a few days. She was never with one guy long, either. She always would do something that I'd talk to her about or give her my advice about. "That's why I love you, Wolfy. Because you're always so right.", is what she'd tell me. And yet she would go her own way regardless. It was in her to do so, so I never blamed her or said I told you so. She knew I was right.

One day after disappearing for a while, she pops back up and I catch her at her house. (She would sometimes be gone off with friends or whatever for days or so at a time.) She told me about a guy she met. I was really happy for her until she came to school on that rare occasion and had a black eye and bruises. She told me about how he'd slowly stopped her from seeing any friends and how he'd gotten rid of her cell phone and even her internet connection. I was absolutely heartbroken and tried to tell her what I could to help her to leave this guy. Turns out he'd threatened to burn her house down if she left him. I saw her at school maybe 3 times total after she got with him before she dropped out.

Every now and then I'll still hear stories of things he's done to her, or how she was seen with bruises or black eyes. Word is, he pressured her into having his child and getting married, but I have yet to see evidence of the latter. I've also heard her parents have their baby. One story I heard recently was that her dog got out of the fence. He was obviously angry at her for something and walked to the edge of the road, waited for a car to come, then called her dog out in front of the car, ultimately getting it hit and killing it. My mother managed to catch my friend by the road right after that happened. She told my friend that she needed to get out of there or he was going to end up killing her. She walked forward, crying quietly, hugged my mother and whispered, "I know."

Ever since about the time I've met my friend, I've had dreams about her. Often around 1-3 a month. Especially as of late, these dreams have left me with a deep ache in my heart. I had one the other night where that guy was out of her life. She was so happy and was actually smiling, something I haven't seen in a long long time. She ran up to me, wrapped her arms around me and kissed me. It really hurt to wake up and realize it was a dream because I was so happy from seeing her happy. I don't really know what to do.

That's a very sad story and while I'm sure some of it probably got exaggerated, since it is what rumours are best at ... it's still a horrible situation for your friend.

I'm going to be blunt in my answer here because in such a situation that's the best chance for advice to get through.

Your friend needs to leave that guy, cut off all contact and get away from him. There is not so much you can do for her since she'll have to do most of it herself but you can support her and help her stay away.

It's a harsh answer but really, physical, verbal and emotional abuse never leads to anything good. If she has a kid with him, both her and the kid need to go. Forget about the house and whatever she might share with him. That is just stuff, stuff can be replaced. Wounds to someone's soul and character can't be fixed that easily ... and the longer she stays with him the tighter his hold on her will become.

After she left and severed her ties with him, then she can worry about getting her things back and all the other legal applications. Personally I'd never suggest her to go back to her house though. She'd probably be better off selling it and starting fresh somewhere else.

Now I'm sure you know most of what I just said, obviously you know something has to change .. else you wouldn't be dreaming so heavily on it.

yes i agree...she should sever all ties and leave no matter what...also she should report him to the police and get him arrested

as for you i think you should try and tell her this the next time you see her...it is a truly tragic situation and i wish your friend all the best

I can't really add much more except to say, those type of situations, one has to get out of on their own.

You can help like research safe houses, don't give her any written or text messages about it, just try to get it to her in a discreet manner, so as he won't spot it and do something drastic.

She has to want to get out of the situation, and usually once someone has an out, where they won't fear for their lives, they'll take that chance.

I do hope she can get out of it, and my guess is dream wise, it's just what you wish for constantly for a girl you care for, that you have those dreams constantly. Don't really think it's much more than that, but that's imo.

Still, do what you can to help her, but know she can't be pushed, cause often just makes one confused and feel trapped.

I second rose on police advice, it may sound dumb, but screw the restraining order, doesn't help whatsoever, cause police generally come too late, and can't prevent the person from grabbing someone on the street, usually they need a call first or some such.

So ask about battered womens shelter, if you mentioned her mom or yours, have them help you as well.

Either way, good luck

she needs to get out, the cost of escsping is better than what she'll suffer if she stays believe me. abusive relationships aren't relationships, its slavery and she has to get out of there now! she's lucky she has a friend like you who'd help her she seems to realise what has to be done, best you can do is help her out, its gonna be rough, for everyone involved but in the long run better.

I wish it were that simple. It seems to be one of those "I can't leave because even though he beats me, I love him" type deals. There is one way I can get something done, seeing as Georgia has very strict domestic violence laws. When the police get there, if they can determine who the initial aggressor is, it doesn't matter whether or not the victim wants to press charges, because that person is going to jail. I tried talking to her numerous times and the last time I talked to her alone and for more than 45 seconds was a couple of years ago. If I ever see her outside her house, which is rare, he stands right there and doesn't give her any privacy or time alone.

Hence why it was mentioned it's a majority her having to go through with it sorta thing. Only she can decide when she's ready to get out of the situation and once she's ready, that's when you can lend a helping hand by giving her shelters safehouses or helping with police and stuff.

Till then all you can do is hope that she learns some common sense before she's hurt in a permanent way that may be life threatening. Love isn't supposed to hurt.

Bah, that's most likely an excuse she keeps up. Saying she loves him keeps her from trying to get away from it.

Unfortunately, like someone said, if she doesn't want to get out of there then there is not much you can do at all.

I'm aware of this. It breaks my heart no less.

I can imagine, it's one of those situations where you can't do much more than watch the action from the sidelines ... or decide to stop watching.

That's about right.

Well keep us informed of what happens if you try and convince her when you see her and all...i wish your friend well